Tardiness & the Great Escape

I must apologise for my tardiness. It's not like me to go so long without doing something I should.
Actually that's a lie. Anyone who knows me at all will know that the 2 week break between blogs is symptomatic of my blasé attitude to pretty much anything I'm supposed to do that involves any sort of deadline, however arbitrary. So I apologise and I will punish myself in a fitting way to make it up to you.
On the diet front, things are going better than expected. The weight is still coming off, if a little slower than I hoped for, despite some very serious deviations from my diet. I'm currently approaching a very big psychological barrier for me at 15 st. For most of my life (or the part of my life that I bothered weighing myself) I have been 15st or more, apart from a brief foray into the 14st's a couple of years ago. So, it's a big milestone for me. And I'll tell you what, I can't wait!

No Problem

There is a phrase beloved of the nature-rambling, beardy lefties who sit round a camp fire holding hands while singing Kum-ba-Yah and Give Peace a Chance. It is "A Stranger is just a friend we haven't met yet!". I'm going to steal that phrase and rework it as a new mantra for my power of positive thought.

"A Problem is just a solution I haven't found yet."

It has all the power of a self-help DVD slogan but it certainly cheered me up this morning when I thought of it. Not that I need cheering up particularly this week. I am riding on the crest of a dietry wave. I should've really posted this yesterday but I was busy basking in the euphoria of a 4 pound weight loss!

I am now back on track. The 2 pounds I didn't lose in my first week has now come off. I'm feeling good as well. Eating well (and not just rabbit food!), exercising (a little bit) and getting thinner. All nicely in time for my impending 30th birthday in September!

So, back to my original point (you may be shocked to learn that I had one!), I can attribute at least a part of my success to positive thought. Instead of focussing on what's going wrong, I'm looking at what is going right. Instead of dwelling on what I don't like, I've been thinking about what I do like. It would appear that wasting my time with worrying and navel-gazing has been much more of a hindrance than a help, so that has (hopefully) all gone out of the window.

I'm playing football tonight so hopefully the exercise will do me good. I may even venture out of my goal and do a little running.. No promises though!

Tell me what you don't like about yourself?

I don't know if anyone out there watches Nip/Tuck. I'll start off by admitting that I don't. I watched the first couple of series but never really got into it very much. So why do I mention it then? Well, really it's just to tie in with the title of todays blog. It's the line that the plastic surgeons in the show use constantly when they're doing the initial consult.

You may have noticed from previous posts that I do have small problems with self-image issues. So, in the spirit of facing up to these problems, what EXACTLY is it that I don't like about myself so much?

Well where to start? Well, at the beginning I suppose.

I've never been particularly popular. Short children with big ears and ginger hair very rarely are! But it's not that. I don't mind being short (well 5ft 7in). The only thing my shortness ever stopped me doing was being a professional goalkeeper earning millions and millions of pounds a year.... Damn you, why did you curse me with this body! But no, seriously, it's not the height. As for the ears, I've kind of grown into them. So it's definitely not that. Is it the ginger then? It's certainly a possibility. I've tried to dye my hair before but in the end I end up thinking that I look better ginger; and so, it would appear, that none of the things that prevented me from being popular as a child, are the reason I have such a negative self-image now...

So what is it?

I do think that it is childhood related. Many of the things that effect us in later life are. I grew up in a very loving family with a sister who was considerably older than me and a brother who was 11 months older. As we grew up I was always the "clever" one and my brother was always the "sporty" one. Even now, he won't pick up a book unless it's written by a sportsman or about a sportsman. In life, especially at school where we are supposed to be developing our minds, it is a persons physical aspect that seems important, rather than the mental aspect. My brother was always popular at school because he was good at football & running. I was unpopular because I wasn't. It's not as simple as that, of course, it never is. But for the purposes of this blog it will do for now!

Having to grow up in the shadow of a brother who was so much better at the things that mattered to people helped me to develop one hell of an inferiority complex. Even now, he's gone on to do a better job than me. So unless I work out what I want to do with my life from an employment point of view, I doubt my complex will be disappearing any time soon.

End of Season Fatigue, Diet Update & a Miracle

The summer is a weird time for me, football fanatic that I am. Especially this summer with a major Football tournament under way and no team that I feel even the slightest affinity with taking part. Yes, I like the Dutch because Dirk Kuyt plays for them, and I like the Spanish because Torres (and one or two others) play for them, but I just can't feel myself getting excited. Oh well, at least there is some football on, unlike next summer when there won't even be a tournament that nobody is interested in. Roll on August, that's what I say.

So what else has been happening. It was weigh-in time again and despite going out on the lash for pretty much the whole of Saturday, I managed to shed another two pounds of excess. I'm now 4lbs lighter than I was 2 weeks ago. And while I'm not really noticing the difference yet, I'm certainly feeling a lot more positive about it. I think the best way to ensure a good and steady weight loss is for everyone to pile round to LizSara's house where she can weigh us, and then we can settle down for hot or cold beverages and a general natter about the state of the world.

I have finally cleared the huge amounts of television programs that were recorded on my planner. I now have 2 x episodes of Kyle XY (Series 1) that I've started recording on a Saturday to watch and then I'm all clear.

The verdict

And keeping the Football Half-Time Team-Talk analogy going... the boy played a blinder. I lost two pounds! Which, coincidently is my target. I'm hoping to lose 2lbs a week, so losing two pounds in a week is bang on the button. So why do I still feel disappointed?

The Future of Modern British Cooking

Tonight I should be posting an update on how my diet is going because I should be getting weighed tonight, but my buddy/mentor/friend who weighs me, the divine and wonderful LizSara, is off galavanting with Mr Grohl and Mr Dean-Bradfield, so I will have to wait until tomorrow.

So what I thought I would do is give an update into how I think I've done... and then do a compare and contrast with my post tomorrow (or possibly Wednesday) after I've been weighed.

Well, if you remember, my diet started off in the worst possible manner last week with me overreating on the first day. It really knocked my confidence and I was not fully focussed on the job at hand for the whole week. I did, however, not put any weight on, which was a metaphorical weight off my shoulders (rather than an actual weight, which would've been great!) and I faced up to the new week with a PMA (positive mental attitude). It's the dieting equivalent of being two goals down in a football match and getting a goal back just before half time. The score isn't ideal, but it's a damn sight better than what you thought you were going to be facing. The metaphorical half-time team-talk just got a lot easier.

So after my team-talk, how did I do? Well I think I've done well. I even managed to include a night out into the mix and didn't overeat any day this week. So, in theory, there should be no reason why I haven't lost weight. I still haven't managed to introduce exercise into my routine yet (the football match last week was cancelled) but all-in-all it's been a positive experience. And do you know what has made it even better? Home cooking.

So far this week I've eaten steak (dry-fried and cooked medium rare), Pork loin steaks (again dry-fried, with spicy onions, rice and an egg - lovely, you should try it), and pan-fried (this time with an oil spray - in my experience you can't dry fry fish) haddock fillets. So I haven't been starving myself or anything, but it has all been weighed and measured so that I only have the right amounts of everything. And I'll tell you something... I feel great! All I need now is for me to not lose weight at my post-Mr Grohl weigh-in tomorrow and it will shatter my confidence completely!

Stress & Strain

It didn't get any better. You would think after I realised that I had overeaten on my first day that I would make an extra special effort to get back on track and bust a gut (no pun intended). But unfortunately I can now qualify for the least successful diet ever. In my first week I lost 0 lbs.

I had a quick chat with a friend of mine who tried to point me in the right directions and to figure out what I'm doing wrong but I still can't shake the thought that half my problem is that I cannot visualise myself as thin (or less-fat - I hate the term thin).

This week, however, I've started as I mean to go on. For the one and a bit days that I've done of this weeks diet (my diet week runs Tuesday to Monday) have been spot on and I can maybe see a chink of light through the clouds ahead. I just need to keep this up for a week and I'll see where it takes me. I'm also playing football tonight as well so I imagine I'm going to be in considerable pain tonight! Nothing that a scalding hot bath won't cure!

I'm going to try and update this blog a bit more frequently from now on :) now that I don't have about 40 hrs of recorded television to watch!

So it begins....

It's amazing how some people can hide behind what they are in an effort to stop people finding out who they are. Take me, for example. I am overweight and have been overweight for much of my life. I am also the first person to make a joke about it. "What do you expect from a fat guy?", "Well what did you expect, I'm fat!" I'm sure you know the sort of thing I mean.

But why do I do it?

Am I just trying to be funny? I suppose that's a possibility. I do try and be amusing and I've been told that I have a good sense of humour and that I can be a moderately funny bloke. But I know that it's something deeper.

The world, in reality, is a shallow place. It's not often that people look beyond the outward appearance. That is why r acism and s exism are such big problems in the world. People will not look beyond the colour of peoples skin or peoples gender, and in this case people very rarely look beyond peoples waistline.

But what would happen if my "fat" facade was stripped away? Without my "Oh well, what did you expect from a fat bloke" excuse, would I be as comfortable just being me? I'm not sure, you know; and maybe that's why I have struggled so much with losing weight. Maybe I like being fat, because I'm not sure if people will like me being me.

And so to the title of the piece. Today I start my 431st diet. And this time I intend to finish it. I've set myself targets and timescales and I have a very good friend of my overseeing the whole process and she will not let me slip. I will do it and that in itself is a bit of a scary thought.

All Work & No Play Makes Me A Dull Boy

There's something liberating about doing strenuous physical work. I'm sure there's people who would disagree (I'm thinking people who do it for a living), but to put your body through it's paces is a great feeling.

My problem is that my body only has one pace. Dead stop. So when I do try to do anything physical it grumbles and groans like an arthritic old man.. "I fought in the war, you know!"

So I was busy at the weekend scraping old masonry paint from old bricks and discovering a whole eco-system living behind the old paint. I'm sure there's a cure for some tropical diseases behind there! But my body is complaining now. My back, arms and legs are aching and I think I've rubbed the skin off one of my knuckles because it's stinging like a bitch!

But it felt good to get out there and pretend for at least a day that I'm not some lily-livered office worker who hasn't done a days hard work in my life. Or that is what my Dad would have you believe!

Weather

Oh I love the weather.

Whether it's glorious sunshine or teeming rain or thunder and lightening, it's all fabulous.

What isn't fabulous is having to sit in a hot and sweaty office at lunchtime with the sun glaring in through the windows!

Weather should not be allowed when I'm in work. It should be completely neutral weather until I get out, and then it should get very sunny! Then I'll be a happy bunny.

Living On My Own

No... not the song by Freddie Mercury!

I was talking to a friend earlier this week about what it is like to live on your own. It's been a while now since I did it. Now, don't get me wrong, I prefer living with someone than not, but one thing that living on your own does for you is clear the mind.

Only recently another friend of mine has moved into their own place. She is 28. It's the first time she has lived on her own in her life and she is starting to find out things about herself. Some things she likes. Others she doesn't. But it certainly is an eye-opener for her.

When I first started living on my own it wasn't really through choice, but through necessity, and at the time I didn't know who I was or what I wanted, because up until then all of my choices and decisions were made with the complicating factor of taking somebody else into consideration. It was only once that was taken away that I was able to actually make decisions for myself, taking nobody else into consideration but myself. And in those first few weeks I learnt more about myself than I had in the 22 years previously.

It is something that I would heartily recommend to everyone. I know that for some people it's not possible because they're already in a relationship or have a commitment to living somewhere and cannot get away from it, but even for a week, or a weekend, or even a day, I would recommend taking yourself away from everyone. Leave your phone at home. Don't tell anyone where you are going and just get away from it all. You will learn so much about yourself it's scary.

Why Cheat?

I was talking to a very close friend of mine the other day and the conversation turned to being unfaithful, and it led to me asking myself a very simple question... why do people cheat?

Firstly, I would like to point out that I am making a distinction between having a quick roll in the sack with someone and actually having two concurrent relationships. While I feel that both of these are wrong, it is the second one I will concentrate on because it is that I sincerely don't understand.

My first thought was that it's possibly something to do with the alleged "excitement" that is derived from "getting away with it", and if that is true I have to pity them. How you can take any pleasure from causing someone so much pain is beyond me? Yes, it might be exciting, but I can think of plenty of ways of channeling my need for excitement that doesn't hurt anyone.

Secondly, I thought, maybe it is "hedging your bets". Not wanting to finish a relationship that is going wrong until you're sure that the new one is better. On the surface this is definitely a "better" reason than the first, but that's only on the face of it. If you look at it a little closer you will notice this. Why does the person have a basic need to be in a relationship? Obviously the thought of being on their own is so abhorrent to them that they cannot face even a couple of weeks of it.

The third reason I could think of was a simple lack of willpower. Someone is offering you something on a plate and you don't have the cajones to resist. I can understand that, because I have been in a situation where (not in my current relationship in case my wife reads this!) I have basically been handed it on a plate, and I resisted. It was difficult because the relationship I was in at the time wasn't the happiest and broke down soon after, but the fact that I was in a relationship immediately prevented anything from happening.

The last reason I could think of was that the person is trying to protect their partners feelings. The idea that they didn't want to tell their partner that the relationship was over in case they were hurt by this is frankly a laughable concept. If they cared an ounce about their partners feelings they wouldn't be partaking in extra-curricular activities in the first place.

So there you have it. My idea of why people cheat. As you can probably see, I don't understand why people do it. If anyone out there in internet-land disagrees (or agrees) with me. Please post your comments. Maybe if they do I would understand things a little better.

Food :( or :)

Resumption of Hostilities...

Well, I suppose since Easter has just passed it's time for a resurrection of sorts. The Phoenix Daily Blog is back.. I knew the title was probably over-optimistic because my ability to hit a deadline is similar to the ability of Dirk Kuyt to hit a barn door with a Bazooka. But anyway...

I quite often spout about football, but I thought I'd leave that for today and talk about something close to my heart. Food. That more than anything else is my joy and my curse.

I don't know whether you know but I suffer with a stomach condition. It's not serious, but if I eat the wrong type of foods my stomach tends to blow up like a huge balloon! This wouldn't necessarily be a problem except the foods I'm not supposed to eat are the foods that tempt me the most.

I love food. I love cooking food and I love eating it. I love other people eating it and telling me it's good. And I love eating other peoples food too! There in a succinct few sentences is a complete explanation of why I'm "rather heavy!".

There seems to be some sort of anti-male agenda when it comes to weight-loss. Don't get me wrong, men aren't "allowed" to be fat anymore than women are, we're just not "allowed" to be seen doing anything about it, apart from pumping Iron in the Gym. Unfortunately I have little wish to be stacked, racked, packed, or muscled in any way, I would just like not to be fat!

Blog Yourself Healthy

I've just been reading a very interesting article on the very excellent Times Website which proves that sitting in front of your computer isn't bad for you after all. According to the Swinburne University of Technology in Melbourne, blogging is good for you. In fact, it goes as far as to suggest that it could be a realistic replacement for drugs such as Prozac.

I can understand that!

There's something freeing about getting something out in the open. If you keep something inside you, it eats away at you like one of those little baby Aliens inside Sigourney Weaver! If you "put it out there" so to speak, it really takes a weight off your shoulders. I believe that a problem shared is a problem halved. Unless, of course, it's the sort of problem that will leave you as some sort of social pariah, and then it's likely it's better to keep it to yourself. The reduction in social isolation that blogging brings about would not be achieved if you told the world that you have fallen in love with a telephone box!

What is Cheating...?

Christiano R0naldo is widely villified throughout the land for his various attempts to gain an advantage through unsporting behaviour. Or cheating to you and me. Now, this isn't a dig at Ronaldo, who is an excellent player and has been absolutely fantastic for my football team (as anyone who reads my other Blog will know) it is an attempt to try to put a few things in perspective.

Ronaldo dives. I don't think there is any argument about that. So do a lot of other players (and I include the english players in that as well, because I'm not going to fall into the trap of trying to blame it all on those pesky foreigners!). Everybody in the world of football knows that diving to get yourself a free-kick is cheating.

But what about the other types of cheating that don't seem to be as demonised by football fans around the country? How about the players who try to claim a throw-in that they know not to be there's? I think every player on a professional football pitch has done that at some point in their careers. Are they cheats? Well, technically yes. Attempting to influence the decision of the referee to give a decision in your favour. But it doesn't really have the headline value of dodgy free-kicks and penalties, does it?

One example (and it was this that set me thinking) comes from Saturdays game, Liverpool vs Middlesbrough. Tuncay Sanli scored a goal with his hand. Now, the referee spotted this and disallowed the goal. All well and good, but nobody seems to have decided to call Tuncay a cheat. Even if it wasn't delibrate, he must have known that it had hit his hand, but he still tried to convince the officials that he hadn't. Isn't trying to claim a goal by deception worse than Ronaldo's falling over? But nobody seems to mention that, do they?