The X Factor

There's something a little bit fishy about the X Factor. Actually, there'sa lot fishy about the X-Factor. In fact it's fishier than a John West factory. I will be the first to admit that I watch it, more out of horrific fascination (similar to rubberneckers at the scene of a car crash) than anybelief that I am watching history in the making. The show can be splitneatly into two separate and distinct parts. Firstly, there's the actualreality TV part of the show, where we follow the judges around the countrywhere they see millions of people who are all awful singers, slightlyeccentric, a little bit crazy and "good television". Lets get real here fora second. Did those girls who dressed up as cats to sing The Lion SleepsTonight actually believe that they were going to win the competition? No ofcourse they didn't. Would any right minded person dress up as a cat whenthere is a good chance they might get on TV? Only if they were auditioningfor Big Brother, surely? So why would they go to the audition? Clearly theywere there to make the show interesting. Who would watch the early weeks ofX-Factor if the participants were all good, but some not quite good enough?People watch because they want to see freaky, crazy people make freaky,crazy fools of themselves. I think the Big Brother comparison is the mostapt one, because that is a show that picks people for being slightlyeccentric, a little bit crazy and "good television". X-Factor do the same.They just don't tell us about it. The second part of the show is the boot camp/live shows. They've shown youall the crazy people and you've had your fill of them, let's get on with theshow. This years winner was Leona, and apparently she is the best singer tohave ever come out of Britain. She's right up there to rival Mariah Careyand Whitney Houston et al. Fantastic for us you would think, but I have onesmall problem. X-Factor is the biggest and most famous talent show in thiscountry and you can enter the competition from the age of 16. I've no ideahow old Leona is but she certainly isn't 16! Where was she last year? Or theyear before? Has she only just realised she can sing? Of course she hasn't.I'm completely sure Leona was someone that Simon Cowell was well aware ofbefore the X-Factor took place, even if not personally I believe that hewouldn't commit to paying to promote her so he put her through the X-Factorand used our money (and phone calls) to get ready made promotion for her. Ialso believe that this isn't the first time that this has happened. Louis Walsh, the lovable little Irish chappy, is always at it. Lets go backas far as Popstars - The Rivals and look at Nadine. Nadine knew Louis Walshprior to appearing on the show. Should that be allowed? Of course it should,because I think Louis Walsh always planned Girls Aloud to be a vehicle forNadine's talent. She was always going to be in the band, it was just aboutwho would be in it with her. When a girl appeared who looked at least astalented as Nadine she was "voted out". Remember, The Conway Sisters? Againa band that Louis was personally familiar with, who were kept in thecompetition at the expense of much more talented singers (promptingover-theatrical bickering from the judges. Good Television again you see!)Then we have Chico. Chico should never have got anywhere near the final 10let alone as far as he did, but he always managed to "scrape" through. Every week people vote (sometimes repeatedly) to stop their favourite artistbeing voted out. Eight Million people voted in the X-Factor final to confirmLeona as the victor. Simon will know exactly how much money would be neededto promote Leona's "career" (or at least her inevitable number 1 hit and analbum of cover versions) and that is how much money is needed from the phonevote. When it appears that his target is not being matched Kate will comeout and tell us how close the vote is. Are we honestly expected to believethat the vote between Leona (who had never been in the bottom two) and Ray(who....erm, had!) was close? Not on your life! But he needed more money tocome in.